I broke tradition this year and went on holiday to Spain instead of France, I know, shocker.
To add to the shocks, whilst there I decided I would attempt 'shorts'.
Now a lot of people know how I feel about shorts; we do not have a good relationship at all... In fact, I see them as spawn of the devil, it's really that bad. They do nothing for me, therefore why should I feel any affection for them? With my broad shoulders it seems that shorts serve only make me look very disproportionate, plus I can't bear this trend for shorts so short that half your bum is on show - not fun.
But then I came across a pair of black, high-waisted, tailored shorts in the sale in H&M, seen in both pictures below. Ever one for a bit of tailoring, and as they were cheaper than an M&S Hoisin Duck Wrap, I decided to push the boat out and give them a go.
And I have to say I grew to quite like them. Protocol stated that for relaxed holiday meals, one wears sandals, so I did, though I'm still convinced they made me look a bit vertically-challenged. On my return home then, I braved the shorts once more (much to the surprise of my friends) this time with heels and I have to say I liked them even more!
As for being out of proportion, a high necked top just made it even more extreme, but I'm good with that. I often find myself making the hench shoulders look even wider, and it seems that's how shorts have to work for me - now there's a revelation!
That said, I was comforted by the knowledge my shorts were probably some of the least offensive in Spain. One thing I learnt, is that Spanish men wear the shortest swimshorts I have ever seen. By short I mean like indecent, due to their rolled-up-with-excess-fabric-tucked-under nature. They are most often canary hued or failing that, neon orange, lime green or lilac. Their wearers strut along with slightly too much confidence, as though they're some exotic birds of paradise, in groups of varying numbers and often colour co-ordinating. I couldn't help thinking it just wasn't something you would ever see in the UK and though maybe not for the right reasons, I stared.
Anyway, having overcome the shorts obstacle, we had another one to tackle. My mother had decreed that the climate of this particular region of Spain necessitated a hat... Let's get this clear, I don't wear hats, much as I would like to, for the simple reason that they just look absolutely ridiculous on me! I discovered how to make shorts work for me, but in all honesty, it just wasn't possible to work a hat as you can see from the picture below. I do like the hat, picked up on a 5 minute hat-buying-mission in the sales, but it is just daft and I do look soft. (Note the denim shorts though!)
So, what have I learnt from a foray into the scary worlds of Spain, Hats and Shorts?
1. Spanish men look hilarious in their swimshorts.
2. It is in fact possible for me to wear shorts, with heels, in an extremely out-of-proportion way.
3. I still can't wear hats; I only wore this because it was so big, you couldn't see it was me.